SATIRE/Rosie Sorenson

Son of a Gun

It was bound to happen. The rivalry between Donald Trump Jr. and Jared Kushner, beloved son-in-law of the president, has finally boiled over into Robert Mueller’s lap. It’s Christmas in July for Mueller.

Huzzahs to DTJr! But not for the reasons he would like to think.

Overjoyed at the possibility of receiving some “dirt” on Hillary, DTJr. jumped at the chance to meet with a Russian attorney, Natalia Veselnitskaya, at the behest of Putin’s government in their efforts to support Donald’s candidacy.

After a criminal drip, drip, drip of information, we now know that at least three other Russians had also been invited — a former intelligence officer, Rinat Akhmetshin, Anatoli Samachornov, an “interpreter,” and last, but not least, Irakly Kaveladeze, real estate mogul with direct ties to Putin. Has your head stopped spinning yet?

Eager to share the dirt and, no doubt, to crow that he had been the one the Russians contacted and not Manafort or Kushner, DTJr. invited Paul and Jared to the meeting. Take that, Manafort and Kushner! Time to show you I can play with the big dogs.

No matter what DTJr. said to Sean Hannity on Fox, the question remains: What happened to the documents Ms. Veselnitskaya brought to the meeting whose stated purpose was to provide evidence of Clinton’s wrongdoing?

Someone needs to explain to Donald the Lesser: “You’ve been played, young sir. Not only by the Russians, but by your own butterfingered attempt to channel your father with whom you can never compete. You do not possess The Donald’s finesse at wrapping a lie in a mystery inside a riddle swaddled in a conundrum.”

By releasing his emails in a feint of “transparency,” DTJr. has transparently offered himself up to the Gods of Prosecution. Oops. And by continuing to lie about the meeting—Double Oops. Who’s going to have your back now, you dim-witted loyalist?

Not your father, despite what he says in public — he doesn’t like losers, remember? He’ll send you to your room without supper faster than you can cry, “I am not a baby. I am NOT a baby!” You can’t count on Jared, whose attorneys “discovered” the emails regarding the Russian meeting and filed an amended security clearance form accordingly. How do you think they ended up at the New York Times? Who’s going under the bus now, Mr. Big Dog?

Methinks Jared does not have your best interests at heart, son. He knows you’ve been grousing behind his back to anyone who would listen:

“How come Dad always gives Jared the plum jobs while I’m stuck running the damn corporation, which Eric does most of anyway?” DTJr. has been heard to whine. “Dad always liked him best! I mean, I could have solved the Middle East problem by now. I could also have done those other things my father assigned to Jared: reinvent Government through the Office of American Innovation; conduct diplomatic relations with China and Mexico; reform the Criminal Justice System; reform Veterans health care; fix the opioid crisis; listen to the Muslim community. But, no. Dad had to go all Jared-is-such-a-good-guy on me. Makes me puke! At last I’m in the limelight! Me! Me! Me!

“Sure, Jared was at the meeting with the Russians who had dirt on Hillary, but the email invitation came first to me! Not the princeling. I’m the one who invited him. Well, actually, Dad told me to, but still. I’ll have to remember to keep that to myself when I appear before the House Judiciary Committee. Perjury-schmurjery. Sessions skated. I see no reason why I can’t say whatever I want. I’ve observed my father for years.

“I Want My Moment. Jared thought he was such hot sh** asking for a back channel — that was low-hanging fruit compared to what I did and I don’t care who knows. My emails certainly trump his back channel all to living hell. Take that, you son of a gun, or should I say son of a crook?”


“At least my dad never went to jail.”

Not yet, son. But if Mueller can get his hands on the recording of Trump’s second private meeting with Putin and his translator at the G20, Trump might yet be hauled off in a jumpsuit to match his hair.

The irony has probably fluttered right over DTJr.’s head that President Trump will likely be brought down, not by Obama, not by the Clintons, not by Mueller, but by Trump and his own family.

How’s that for poetic justice, you son of a gun?

Rosie Sorenson is a humor writer in the San Francisco Bay Area. You can contact her at:

From The Progressive Populist, August 15, 2017

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