SATIRE/Rosie Sorenson

Poor Demented Uncle Sam

The opioid crisis pales in comparison to the memory crisis affecting the Department of Defense. Seems no one can figure out how the Department lost $800 million last year or $125 billion the year before that. And don’t even ask about the billions in pallets of shrink-wrapped $100 bills lost in Iraq. Gone, baby gone.

If this were your sad, demented uncle, wouldn’t you step in to help him? Maybe become his guardian and obtain a power of attorney for his finances? He’s clearly not able to take care of himself. You certainly wouldn’t give him more cash after he’s proven himself incapable of accounting for the money you gave him last year, would you? Would you? I didn’t think so.

And yet, that is what Trump has proposed — the handing over of $716 billion to the Defense Department without so much as a passing nod to the previous billions lost. If only the people running the Department would look in the loose change drawer, they could probably find enough money to cover its bills for an entire year. “Need $50 million for more troops? I’ve got your quarters right here.” “Need $100 million for that new fighter jet? How about a truckload of silver dollars? That should about cover it.”

As we have sadly learned, war is the best money laundering game in town.

And speaking of laundry, how about we hire the Mom Squad to come in and clean the Defense Department’s house? I nominate Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama and Allison Janney, star of Mom.

It is going to take a village of women a long, dang time to clean up this mess.

Rosie Sorenson is a humor writer in the San Francisco Bay Area. You can contact her at: RosieSorenson29@yahoo.com

From The Progressive Populist, March 15, 2018


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