If truth had a designated zip code, it would be devoid of residents. Oh sure, there might be a sprinkling of the Greatest Generation living within its borders and some Boomers and maybe even a handful of Gen Exers who were raised by law-abiding Boomers, but that would be about it. Mostly Democrats, one or two Republicans. A lonely place. A plum route for a USPS mail delivery carrier.
For sure, the two people who control the minds of over 2 billion people on this planet would not be sauntering out to their mailboxes every day in that zip code: Mark Zuckerberg and Sheryl Sandberg, neither of whom leaned in but rather swerved away from the truth during their recent apology tour. Mea culpa, mea culpa — not!
Their media trainers did their best to teach Mark and Sheryl how to obfuscate, equivocate and generally prevaricate their asses off in the hope that we wouldn’t notice. So we’re all good now, right?
I watched Judy Woodruff of the PBS Newshour interview Sheryl several weeks ago. Sheryl seemed relaxed, thoughtful, caring even, during Judy’s tough questions, questions to which Sheryl had obviously rehearsed answers she assumed would win the day such as, “You’re asking a really important question” and “It’s such a good question;” and “Those are fair questions, and I think those are real questions.”
What was missing were really important answers for the billions of Facebook users, although at various times she did toss out a few bon mots such as: “I’m sorry and Mark is sorry;” “Trust is a really important thing;” and “Looking wholistically, we’re making proactive changes.”
Questions about the interference of Russia and Cambridge Analytica in the 2016 election were met with anodyne responses with which Sheryl attempted to whitewash her sins by saying, “Well, we made big mistakes and we know that. And I think it really is that we were very focused on social experiences and pretty idealistic, that we believed in a world where people could share and experience things together. And we just weren’t thinking enough about the bad use cases. And that’s on us.”
And, if you believe all that claptrap, I’ve got some cryptocurrency to sell you.
Sheryl did manage to keep her leaned-in composure until the end when Judy asked “How hard has this been?” Sheryl seemed a little thrown by the one question her media trainer had apparently failed to include in the syllabus. Sheryl’s demeanor turned cool, almost flip as she shrugged, “Oh well,” in what seemed like a dismissive answer, but then she quickly righted her earnest self to continue by saying, “It should be hard. Because we have a real responsibility here.”
Makes you wonder, doesn’t it, what Sheryl would say if her auto mechanic were guided by the same set of moral principles fueling Facebook.
Picture this. Sheryl must return her Mercedes to the shop because it is still having problems despite the expensive work Hans, her mechanic, has recently performed.
Stepping out of her car, Sheryl puts her hands on her hips and says to Hans, “I just don’t understand why my car is still having problems.”
Hans smiles and responds, “That’s a very good question. Let me tell you what we found. We were so caught up in trying to make the experience a good one that we overlooked a few critical components, like the alternator, the computer sensors and the transmission. They were defective when sent from the factory, but that’s on us.”
“When did you find this out?”
“About 2 years ago.”
“Two years! And you did nothing!? How could this happen?”
“That’s an excellent question. We’re looking at all of that. Right now, we’re just focusing on finding problems ourselves and implementing changes I think our customers will like. Are we perfect? By no means. We’re in an arms race. There are bad actors who will always try to take advantage of us, but let me tell you that we are very committed to dealing with all of this moving forward, proactively.”
“But, what about my car now?”
“People will be looking for answers to this for a long time. I’ll have to get back to you on that after I consult with my legal team.”
“In the meantime, I’m screwed, right? I get zip?”
“Pretty much.”
Rosie Sorenson is a humor writer in the San Francisco Bay Area. You can contact her at: RosieSorenson29@yahoo.com
From The Progressive Populist, June 15, 2018
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