In a trumped up delusional state, Donald Trump has declared himself a winner again, but in reality, he’s just one vowel short of a wiener.
Everyone who has ears and eyes knows The Donald just can’t wait to celebrate during the annual “Tell A Lie” day on April 4, and the “Big Whopper Lie Day” on Sept. 16, 2023.
During the remaining 10 months of the year Donald spends his time readying his pipes by shouting such lies as, “My election was stolen.” “There were good people on both sides,” in reference to the Charlottesville Unite the Right, White supremacy march and riot. And then there are the other 30,571 prevarications he told during the four years of his Pretend Presidency.
His most recent throat clearing happened in West Palm Beach at the Trump International Golf Club where the Senior Club Championship took place. Just mentioning the words “Championship” and “Trump” in the same sentence foreshadows a lollapalooza, does it not?
Well, not to disappoint. Trump didn’t even show up for the first day of the tournament. He awarded himself five points anyway, claiming that he’d played a strong round on the course two days prior to the start of the tournament and allowed as how it was therefore kosher to add those five points to the overall score for the current competition. Say what?! That’s like a surgeon telling a patient that he’d successfully removed somebody else’s appendix on the previous day, “So no need to remove yours today.”
Surprise, surprise! Trump won!
According to the Palm Beach Post, Trump wrote this on Truth Social: “Competed against many fine golfers and was hitting the ball long and straight. … The reason that I announce this on fabulous TRUTH is that, in a very real way, it serves as a physical exam, only MUCH tougher. You need strength and stamina to WIN, & I have strength & stamina—most others don’t. You also need strength & stamina to GOVERN!”
Take that, DeSatan! Take that, Sleepy Joe!
The following day, George Santos appeared on the Tucker Carlson Show and bragged again about receiving a volleyball scholarship to Baruch University and winning every game.
“Oh,” he continued, flashing a reptilian smile, “and I’m also quite a golfer. I just won the Senior Club Championship at Trump’s golf course in West Palm Beach yesterday.”
Tucker cut to a commercial.
Rosie Sorenson is a humor writer in the San Francisco Bay Area. You can contact her at: RosieSorenson29@yahoo.com
From The Progressive Populist, March 1, 2023
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