Some say Trump is full of beans; some say he’s full of sh*t, but it’s now been discovered that he’s full of muons. Muons are those tiny critters similar in nature to electrons, only 200 times heavier and more powerful.
Donald’s father, Fred Trump, followed the work of Carl David Anderson who discovered muons in 1936. He thought they might be useful for the son he bore in 1948.
Fred’s motto in life was “You’re either a loser or a killer.” Although muons pass through all of us every day, Fred felt that packing his son with millions of extra muons would push him into killer territory.
It seems to have worked out nicely.
Muons are now considered to be a “fifth” force of nature, which would account for the rabid loyalty of his MAGA fans and his seeming invincibility.
Muons have another property—“spin,” which could explain Trump’s ability to slither away from restraints of any kind, especially those pesky laws that have ensnared him of late.
He’s a reincarnated Houdini.
A little-known feature of muons is that they thrive on a diet of Big Macs, fries and Diet Cokes. It’s difficult to understand how Trump can maintain his weight at a svelte 215 pounds, as he claims.
Stormy Daniels, who acknowledges that she’s been underneath many men who weigh 215 pounds, as well as Trump at one time, has scoffed at his claim. She should know.
The only kryptonite that works against a belly full of muons is this: a fresh green salad.
If greens were to be shoved in The Donald’s face, he would wither and die like week-old romaine.
Biden, are you listening?
Rosie Sorenson is a humor writer in the San Francisco Bay Area. Her column is satire and, like Fox “News,” cannot be believed as fact. You can contact Rosie at: RosieSorenson29@ yahoo.com
From The Progressive Populist, October 1, 2023
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