Your Independent Journal from the Heartland
Trump has finally outdone himself, grooming the American people into accepting the idea that building a ballroom in the East Wing of the White House was grand!
Imagine: 1,000 of the world’s best and richest, coming to dine and dance—with Trump as ringmaster. Why, the American people LOVED it, he said. The Best of the Best in all the world, he said.
When he learned that people were not thrilled with the $100 million, then $300 million price tag, he told them not to worry, that it was being paid by donors, not taxpayers.
“Oh, well in that case,” they sighed.
On the morning of Oct. 23, 2025, they woke up to find that their beloved White House had been bloodied, the East Wing brought low, turned to rubble, their pain palpable.
“How could he lie to us like that?” was the collective holler, but soon their pain turned to a shrug as they scrolled on to the latest outrage.
So, how were they to respond when Trump told them later that he was remodeling the Constitution—so old, so fusty? They hardly blinked. Of course he was right, he was always right. The damn thing was 238 years old with not a word in it about Facebook, let alone ChatGPT!
It was no big surprise, then, when Trump announced he was moving the White House to Mar-A-Lago, anointing it with the new name—the “Gold House.”
“Look,” he explained to Sean Hannity on Fox, “we’ve been the laughing stock of the world for years. Supposedly the richest nation in the world, and this shabby old wooden thing is the best we got? It’s embarrassing. Melania hates it; she loves Florida, so what’s a fella gonna to do?
“And, besides, since I’ll be living there full time, it’ll save taxpayers tons of money from all the golf trips I won’t have to make. See? A win-win.
“We’re also going to sell the property of the White House for a pretty damn penny. Taking bids now on the 18 acres it sits on as well as the 82 surrounding acres of National Park.”
“Do you have any bidders?” asks Sean.
”Too many—Qatar, Argentina, everyone wants a piece of that old thing.”
“What are they going to do with the land after they tear the House down?” asks Sean.
“None of my business now,” said Trump. I expect there will be some condos, shops, maybe a small Air Force base for Qatar, now that they have been shunned in Idaho.”
“Where will the money go?”
“To pay down the national debt, of course, and maybe the rest to my Presidential Library. As you well know, I can do whatever I want.”
“When do you expect to choose the first book for your library?” asks Sean.
“Well, I’m kinda partial to ‘Mein Kampf.’ A little wordy for my taste, but it speaks to my troubles. He was persecuted, just like me. And, instead of getting mad, he got even. I can relate.”
“Well, what’s next for our most Progressive President?”
“Oh, glad you asked. I’m remodeling the flag. No more stupid red, white and blue, stars and stripes. I’ve updated it to gold lamé, made it much bigger, with embroidered photos of me all over it. We’ve ordered all the other flags to be destroyed. They’re so old and lame.”
“Do you think the troops will want to die on that hill, festooned with gold flags?”
“Of course; they’re my troops.”
“Are you sure they think of it that way?”
“Isn’t that what they wanted, my dear MAGA friend, when you and they voted for me? To shake things up?’’
“Uh, right.”
“Well, I just opened a can of whoop-ass and I’m shaking things the hell up! Are you happy now?”
Rosie Sorenson writes satire and, like Fox “News,” cannot be believed as fact. She has written a serious book, “If You’d Only Listen: A Medical Memoir of Gaslighting, Grit & Grace,” which was a Distinguished Favorite, Medical, among NYC Big Book Awards and an American Legacy Book Award for Health in 2025 and a Zibby Award for Best Story of Overcoming in 2025. See RosieSorenson.com.
